Life Journey

Life is like a journey. And let me say here that I love taking this journey with the faithful friends and family the Lord has given me. I really like viewing life like that, a journey. It makes sense in that life is a process. No one, including God expects me to have it all figured out, and that really the end of the journey begins in heaven and lasts forever. The Lord is so patient and loving to me. The Lord told me yesterday while I was umpiring little league baseball that I was being a baby. That it was easy for me to follow Christ when things were going my way. When “my” prayers were being answered and when I was “feeling” successful. The Lord laid it on me pretty good about crying to others and somehow making in God’s fault that things aren’t going the way I want them. He reminded me of what I had read from Erwin McManus in his book Siezing You Devine Moment that not even a Stalin or a Hitler could avoid doing God’s will even though they tried not to how could me, a follower of Christ, wanting to do his will, somehow miss it. He told me that He was in control and I needed to quite blaming Him and thinking that it was His fault.

I was watching We Were Soldiers on Saturday morning, mostly because I wanted to forget about being in ministry and wishing that I could be a courageous leader like Col. Hal More who is so courageous and heroic as he leads his vastly outnumbered army in victory against a tuff enemy. As I was watching I came to the scene were the Col. and his Sgt. Major are receiving their orders from the command post. The commander says “simple orders Hal. Find the enemy and kill em.” At that moment I said out loud, even though I was all alone in my living room, “that’s what I want God. Simple orders “find the enemy and kill em.” Of course at that point I was blaming God for somehow giving me complex, impossible to follow orders for ministry. And that God was somehow hiding both His will and His plan for me and the ministry. I was not at a point yet where I could listen to God. There was still too much pride in me. So God worked on me all weekend, he rebuked my pride in the fact that I was telling God, or at least expecting God, to do what I wanted in the ministry. My heart was broken by the rebuke but immediately I felt the grace of Jesus flood in and heal it.

Later Sunday evening Jackie (my wife) was home, back from her trip to Dallas. We were talking and I was telling her about the weekend’s events and what was going on in my heart and mind. I told her about everything that had happened and as I became frustrated again thinking about it I told her about the scene in We Were Soldiers movie and what I had told God. The next words that came out of her mouth were completely inspired by God. She said “God has given you simple orders Shane, ‘love Him and love His people.’” Wow, if I hadn’t been lying down already I would have been floored! Even now it brings back the emotions I felt as God pierced my heart with my wife’s words. It was as if I had heard God’s voice and it sounded just like Jackie’s. God has given me/ us simple orders. It’s what you told me the other day that I was not ready for. You said the most important thing is to walk with God, not do ministry or any other good thing. The most important is to know Him. You said we are not placed in this earth to do ministry. We are placed her to know Him and that is all. I find it comforting to know that the most important thing for me to do on this earth does not involve anyone else. It does not depend on other for me to know God. Of course it is vital in our knowing God that we interact with others and in fact I think that is a huge way to know God is to know Him through others. But what I mean is that I can focus my energies on knowing God and it does not matter if 20 or 200 people show up because it only involves me and Him. I can’t tell you how excited I am to receive these simple orders, “I want you to love Me, and love My people” God said. I love it when God speaks to me. I love it because I am always amazed. I am amazed how the Holy Spirit says exactly what I need to hear exactly at the right time and that involves a journey. This entire weekend was a little mini journey or chapter in the overall life journey.

Who are you sharing your journey with? I would never be able to navigate this life journey without faithful companions to help guild and encourage me. The Lord has given me faithful friends and family that I can share anything that is on my heart and they listen. They listen because they care and love me. If you have these faithful friends you need to share with them your hurts, questions, ideas, and excitements. Travel this journey with a handful of faithful friends, love the Lord together and love each other together.

Santa Claus Faith

My good friend Bryan recently posted an article on his blog (http://www.bryandavidson.blogspot.com/) that he wanted me to tell him what I thought. I got to writing and decided to express my thoughts on this page.

Bryan, first I have to wonder about the flip in time. I see you posted this article at 7pm and here I am leaving a comment at 1am. Are we switching sleep schedules? I hope not!

As for the letter, wow, I loved reading it. I felt like I was actually in your heart. It sounds like you may need to get that left ventricle checked out. That could be part of the "pain" you are experiencing. :) Sorry, my sanguine is coming out.

Seriously, the paragraph that begins with a quote from Oswald Chambers really struck me at this moment.

Oswald Chambers once said, “It is much easier to do something than to trust God.” The only way to know the living glorious God is to walk with him. Chambers alludes that we would rather work for him than believe him. The challenge arises to believe in him which intersects with believing him. The true litmus test for a community of followers of Jesus is to find out if they are living what they claim to believe. It’s sad when ministers water down truth and accept the condition of these confused folk. They accept it because they too don’t truly believe it. If I want to find out how much someone believes in this truth then all I need to do is find out what they care about. Do there beliefs give a slab to what they care about?

I feel like I do not trust God right now. I honestly feel like I would rather work for him than believe him. I think that if I were to go through such a litmus test, to the deepest of my heart and soul, it would reveal that I am not “living what I claim to believe.” There is always a battle that rages in my heart and mind. Even now I want to say “ah Shane, your so hard on your self. No one is perfect, why should you get so down on your self?” But I know for a fact that I spend a majority of my life seeking to please myself. Some how I have become addicted to myself. I eat when I want, I sleep when I want, I (to a point) buy what I want to buy. It’s all about me. I am the star actor in the all about me movie. Why is it so hard to trust in God? Is it because he doesn’t do what I want him to do? Following Christ would be great if He did everything I wanted Him to do exactly when I wanted him to do wouldn’t it? I guess if that were true He wouldn’t be God, He would be a genie in a bottle and would only feed my self-indulgent addiction.

See, this goes against what I “believe.” I am supposed to believe that “dieing is gain,” that I am to “pick up my cross and die” to self. I also believe that I am to “consider other better than my self.” I am confused to about what it will take for me to actually live what I believe. Sometimes I think faith in Jesus is like believing in Santa Clause that if I could only truly believe with absolutely no doubt, then Santa will leave a present for me. But for all who do not believe they just miss out. I try to make myself believe so hard in Jesus so that I can “move mountains,” wither fig trees, walk on water, heal sick people, and every person I ever talked to about Jesus would believe too. I get so confused at times, especially at 1am. Maybe this is all due to over tiredness and this, like a night of drinking, I will wake up the neck morning regretting all I said and did. Oh well, what are blogs for anyway?

Along with that I like these two paragraphs:

Erwin McManus is one of the leaders God has used to shape my thinking. He shares how the post-modern culture is taking us into new textures. At the same time he said the modern church sees discipleship as primarily doctrinal training. “A mature Christian was someone who knew his Bible. Good citizenship was expected of everyone. This was not an unreasonable paradigm, but it was a dangerous one. Before post-modernism, the church enjoyed the positive influence of a culture shaped by the Christian faith. Life change became a lost art because most people appeared "together," says McManus. He says as things evolved we are becoming powerless to help those who are hurting and have fallen into a grip in the power of sin. Now we don’t know how to make disciples any more. The church just can’t handle the culture.

“Restoring broken lives requires conviction, commitment, and community. Unfortunately, even when the church wants to help, often it assumes it doesn't have the power to heal. We profess that Jesus changes lives, but with broken people we tend to rely on psychotherapy. We'll entrust Jesus with the small stuff, but we refer out the really big problems to Freud,” says McManus.

I feel like this, I want to go to some leadership guru or some expert mentor so show me what I am doing wrong instead of relying on Jesus. But at the same time sometimes it seems like Jesus does not come through on all of my requests all the time. Again, I want Him to take care of it NOW! McManus is right about the church thinking discipleship is learning doctrine or educating about the bible. As far as knowledge goes, I was home schooled by missionaries, I went to a Christian University, I went to Elmer Towns Sunday school class for crying out loud! I know what I am “supposed to believe.” Now why is it so hard to put into practice?

So not sure were all that came from, maybe I need to take a look at my left ventricle? Maybe I need to change my vocabulary and thinking and let Jesus take a look at my left ventricle?

Anyway this all started out in an attempt to give Bryan some feed back. Thanks for sharing your heart with me. I also respect your love and devotion to your family. You have some incredible in-laws that’s for sure! I envy the dialog you enjoy with your in-laws. That is a special thing.

Well, its 1:15 am. I have not seen those numbers since this afternoon!

Good night.

Does God Really Like Me?

Everyone seems to know that God is a good God and that He is a loving God. Most people, even people who do not call themselves Christians, know the bible verse John 3:16 "for God so loved the world..." My whole life I have known that God was a good God and a loving God. I know that He loved me so much that He would send his only Son to pay my sin debt so that I could live forever with Him. But it wasn't until last week that I really found out that my relationship with God does not stop there. There’s more.

I was reading in Luke 15 about the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost boy. This chapter reveals Jesus’ extreme emotional pain for "lost" sinners and the exhilaration He feels when "one sinner repents." I believe this reveals Jesus love for us. I know that I have lost things that were valuable to me. The moment I realized I had lost it, my stomach turned in knots, my heart sank, and my body became cold. I was so hurt by the loss that I began to cry.

Jesus tells these stories to us because we know what it’s like to loose something valuable to us. So valuable that we will stop what we are doing and go look for it. Like the shepherd who left the 99 to go looking for that one lost sheep we will stop everything to try to recover that lost item. The story goes a little deeper when Jesus describes His heart through a father’s loss of his son. I have heard, you do not know the pain of loss until you have lost a child. I have not had that experience, but I have heard from those that have, it is the most painful, heart breaking experience any person can go through. Jesus uses this illustration to show us his heart for people when they are lost or rebel.

When the son comes back there is great joy and celebration by the father. There are so many great analogies of the fathers love for his son in this story. The fact that this wealthy man ran to meet his sin. Back in those days it was very much undignified for a wealthy man to run. Especially to a rebellious son who wished he was dead and took half of his estate. Another is the father giving his son a robe, a ring, and sandals on his feet. These signified a welcome back to the family. The father was declaring the son to be back in the family with all the rights and perks that come from being his son. These three stories reveal Jesus heart for us, his love for us.

I have personally read and heard these stories preached from my youth. It was not until last week that I saw something I had never seen before. This is the fact that Jesus actually likes me! Now wait a second. Before you write this off as just a cheesy, simplistic, feel good massage, you need to hear me out. I have known for a long time that Jesus loves me; he has for given me of my sins, and has given me eternal life. But ever since being a christian I have dealt with feelings of failure and rejection by God over my sin. I would feel like I had in some way disappointed God by my sin and that he was not pleased with me. Therefore I would feel like God did not like me very much in those moments. This is true of our earthly relationships. How many people do you like that don't like you? You obviously like people who like you back. When people are mean to you or treat you bad in some way you don't like them. Therefore if I do not treat God well or if I am constantly disobedient then surly He does not "like me." I know He will never stop loving me; He is a good God, and a loving God. It is His nature to be good, loving, and forgiving, but He is in now way obligated to like me right?

All week while I was preparing to give a message on Jesus love for us from Luke 15, but all week God kept whispering in my hear, "I like you, and I like to be with you." I would say back to God, "I know God; I know that you love me." God would say back to me, "no, I do more than just love and forgive, I also just enjoy being with you." I replied with "I know God, I know that you love me, I can see from Luke 15 that your heart breaks for those who are lost and that there is celebration in heaven when one returns to you. So, I know that you love me. But as far as enjoy being with me, have you even seen what was in my mind this week? Did you hear what came out of my mouth yesterday? Have you seen the way I treat people? I don't read my bible every day, I don't share my faith often enough, I don't do a lot of things that you would have me do. So thanks for loving me and for being my God." God's response was, "why do you think there is celebration in heaven? If it was just a matter of getting one more for the kingdom then we would have just checked your name off of some list and called it a day. No! We celebrate because I get to spend eternity with you starting right now! I celebrate because I am excited about being with you. Look at the prodigal's father. He was a good, loving father but he didn't stop there. He celebrated because his lost son had returned and now he could be with his son again. Even in the midst of their celebrating the father noticed the elder son was missing. He left the party and looked for his older son. When he found him he pleaded with him to come be with him at the party. The fact is I am your father and I created you for my pleasure and that is exactly what you bring to me, pleasure. My love and Jesus shed blood covers your sins so now we can just be together and just do life together."

I had such a hard time believing that God actually liked me and wanted to be with me. All last week and this week that is all Jesus has been telling me, "I like you, I enjoy being with you, I want to mountain bike with you, I want to drive to work with you, I want to hangout with you and your family, I just want to be with you. Jesus made it possible and now we can just be together." When I fully came to realize this I came very close to shedding a tear. I don't usually cry at all so coming even close is a big deal for me. What a thought, Jesus, the son of God wants to hang out with me! Wow!

I guess it can be compared to my relationship with my daughter. It’s a fact that I love her. And because I love her I train her, discipline her, and forgive her when she disobeys. But our relationship goes far beyond that. I just enjoy being with her. I like just hanging out, going places and doing things with her. She and my wife left town for a week and all I wanted to do was be with them. I know that God feels the same way about me. He just wants to be with me. So the last couple of days have been revolutionary for me. I have spent my whole day with Jesus. This morning we went for a jog together. We talked as we went up and down hills and around the neighborhood. Then we went home to have breakfast with the family. After that we drove the motor cycle to work. I think Jesus just flew next to the motor cycle since there is not any room for him to sit on my seat:)

The amazing truth is, Jesus does more than love us, and He actually likes us and enjoys just being with us. The Christian life is more than trying not to sin or to measure up in some way to God's standard. It is all about just doing life with God. Walking with him step by step, Doing things together. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said "my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When I am walking with God, he and I are just hanging out; I do not worry about not sinning. I just live. I encourage you to do just that. Live with Him!

Life, God, Beer, and Hot Wings

Seems to me that the best conversations about anything important happen after 10pm. Is it because our mind is so worn out form the day's activities that we let down our guard and go for it? I'm not sure of the technicals but last night I had a great time with the fellas at a bar down town called Brothers. We scarffed 100 10 cent wings and talked about Christians drinking beer. What a great combination. It seems this is one of the great dilemmas of the Christians. I’m glad for the freedom grace allows so that our relationship with Jesus is not about dos and don’ts but I do with there was a clear way for me to decide what I should do on the issue of drinking alcohol. On one hand the bible does not deliberately discount drinking alcohol completely in fact there are several places were it would seem to advocate at least a little drinking of alcohol. But the Bible seems to be very clear about not acting like the world and not being a stumbling block to others. So what are we to do? I have wrestled with this so much. Truth is told I have no problem drinking for myself and my personal relationship with God. My concern is that since I do not live this life for me anymore. I live to server God, to love my family, and do what ever I can to get as many people to know God as I can. So since I don’t live for my self it’s hard for me to use that argument as a reason to drink. Sometimes I think that if I did drink I would be able to connect with the normal everyday American. I hate being seen as a “holier than thou” Christian and sometimes I just want to drink to show people that it is not about following some religious set of rules to get to heaven or to know God its just about knowing Him. I could go on and on with the debate. I want to hear from other on this one. Is it ok for Christians to drink, and not just ok, can Christians reach their full potential as servants of God with a beer in their hand?